Brian organizes a boys’ trip: Captain’s first male-only outing and Major’s first camping trip in decades. Meanwhile, Christa tries to entertain Chief. Read more...
Returns in May
At the JJK office, Joan and Irwin play a game from their youth where Joan creates a beat by hitting the wall and stomping her foot, and Irwin copies. They walk around the office banging on the walls until finally Irwin grabs Joan and spanks her butt and then humps her, while matching the beat. "I can't believe what I saw," says Brian as the office peals into laughter. "I just got my testosterone shot," boasts Irwin, humping the air.
Capt. Starr is clipping long bamboo stalks outside. He says he's planning to make a semi-traditional Inipi sweat lodge.
Meanwhile, Irwin walks into the office wearing a fishing hat and his camping gear strapped to his back. Brian explains that he and Irwin are going to have a "boy's weekend" camping together, adding that they've also invited Capt. Starr since he's "now a man, so to speak." Capt. Starr reveals that this will be his "first boy's night out" as an official boy.
Irwin continues to go through his camping gear, showing the JJK gang an air horn. They all beg Irwin not to set it off, but he does anyway. Joan curses and points to Lambchop: "I don't even know if she can hear now," she scolds. Irwin also has a rope, which he says he's going to use to hang up snakes.
Irwin explains that he hasn't been camping in decades because Joan is "vastly" afraid of the outdoors. Brian adds that the Chief is paranoid that the worst is going to happen. "You could get Lyme poisoning," says Joan, also listing mountain lions, birds of prey, chameleons and spiders among the outdoor threats. "I wouldn't go out there without a gun," says Joan. Brian reminds Joan that they're going to a fully furnished cabin, and it's only for one night. "What am I supposed to do here by myself?" complains Chief. Christa suggests they have a girls' night.
When the men arrive at their decked-out cabin, Capt. Starr complains that they're not staying outdoors. "Luxury camping," he says. "How ridiculous."
Later, Brian takes Irwin on a geo-caching scavenger hunt. "It's like climbing Mt. Everest," Brian explains. "Not many people have done that."
Capt. Starr, meanwhile, builds his sweat lodge outside the cabin using the bamboo and tarp. When the others see what he's built, Brian admits he's "a little bit concerned," having heard stories about Capt. Starr living in teepees and eating mice.
Later that night, the men sit in a dense cloud of steam in the Inipi lodge as Capt. Starr bangs a drum and leads Irwin and Brian in a chant. Irwin asks if he can take a picture, but Brian points out that there's not much to see given the steam.
Meanwhile, Christa tries to keep Joan entertained during the girls' night by demonstrating how to use a stripper pole. "Wrap your leg and swing around. And then be all, like, sexified," instructs Christa. Christa and her friends chant, "Do it. Do it. Do it," until Joan walks around the pole and slides up and down. "I cannot believe you're licking the pole," remarks Christa.
In the woods, the Inipi ceremony continues. "So, does the ceremony actually stop at a certain point?" wonders Irwin aloud. "Nice can, Major," says Brian, referring to Irwin's butt as he crawls out of the tent. Brian snaps a picture. "That'll be one for TIME magazine," says Irwin.
The next morning, a hung over Irwin sits at the kitchen table as Brian and Capt. Starr make breakfast. Irwin says he needs something to help him remember the name of the Inipi ceremony. "I need to pee," Irwin says. "Inipi. Inipi. Inipi." Brian and the guys agree not to tell Joan everything that happened the night before. Capt. Starr says he hopes they can do it again some time.
On the ride back, the guys realize that their trip is the first time Chief has been away from all three of them at the same time.
At JJK, Joan is describing her night and her turn on the stripper pole. Brian notes that Joan looks a little different, and she explains that the girls "forced her" to get a spray tan. Joan asks what the guys did on their camping trip, but the guys won't spill.
"There are certain things that went on that are going to remain with us," says Irwin. "What the f---," says Joan. "Was there an accident or something?" She starts listing off the bad things that could have happened. The guys start laughing at her. "What are you laughing at? Stop it!" says Joan. "Tell me what happened!"
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